I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
