we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Someone signed my nipple.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
