Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
