I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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