my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
