What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
