I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
only you would photoshop your dick
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
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slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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