take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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