I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
