i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
