I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
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I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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