Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
