Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
