She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You are a genius and a whore.
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