I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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