Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We need a shit load of segways right now
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
