accomplished twins. life is a go
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
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I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
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Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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