My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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