I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
