Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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