She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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