so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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