so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize