Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
