Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
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I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
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you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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