imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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