She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
