dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
