She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
