I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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