I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
