I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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