Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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