Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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