dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize