The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
