I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
