great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
