Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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