i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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