last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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