My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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