And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
