I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
