If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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