1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
