Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
A+ Viking dick
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
