i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
