I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize