mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
