I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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