Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Its about making memories worth repressing
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
