my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever