Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
How drunk are you?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried