dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
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There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
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Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.