so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
was it more than 30 minutes?
then you're in a relationship
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry