I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Can Purell be used as lube?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
