just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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