True but thats because hes a fetus.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
