I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just googled if crying burns calories
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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