If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
