why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
