I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
