Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
