my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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