she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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