so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
