Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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