Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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