The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
