So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
