My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
