All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
