cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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