Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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