Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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