Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
