she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
