Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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