Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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