I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
