so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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