I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Randomize
