She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
no you cant smoke seaweed
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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