I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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