can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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