Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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