Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
