If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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