At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
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