Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I need to calm my uterus...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
