I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
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