then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Randomize
