Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize