Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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