Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
