Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
